Last night I was reminded of some conversations in a time of my life where things weren’t as great as they are currently. Because of that, I felt pretty down last night. I didn’t get any sleep. I’ve been laying on my couch getting on &off Netflix &smoking since 11 pm. Needless to say, I don’t feel much better now that the sun is “up”. I’d like to blame daylight savings but one hour doesn’t really throw off a full nights sleep. Not for me, at least. I don’t feel so as down, I’m not upset or sad, I just am. Its a content listless feeling, I suppose. It isn’t bad. But I would like company. Stars of the lid has been doing a good job but as comforting as this music is, it cannot give me a hug. Anyways, we’ll see how today goes. Cheers.
Hallo
March 7th, 2014.
Its been a while since I’ve gotten to sit down &write or blog. I’m feeling pretty grand. Everything is going alright. My travels were side tracked, but thats life. I’ll get going eventually, it’ll just take some time, prayer &more careful planning on my part. I’m currently at my aunt’s place watching my dogs &the house. I always thought I would love living alone but it is quite, well, lonely. But then again, this is a big house &I always imagined myself living alone in a studio apartment in a larger city. This won’t be for long though. My aunt will return home, as will my sister, &my love &I shall get our own place soon. I’ve been getting off of the couch &away from Netflix a little more. Going outside in this beautiful Ohio weather &being around people. I’ve even been sketching. I try not to regret anything but I do regret letting myself get away from serious art work. If you don’t use it, you’ll loose it, right? I’m going to start setting some goals for myself. I hate doing that because it forces me to think about the future. I’m strange. &Obviously, very lazy these days. But here we go, goals for this summer. Or, just goals for now:
-Get a cherry mountain dulcimer
-Travel somewhere with friends
-Get into a faster paced yoga reutine
-Sell macrame &pieces of art
I think that is a pretty ok list for now, right? Sure. Whatever. Okay, well, cheers.
Is it too early for smoke?
Its never too early. I should probably quit, though.
I fear I’m falling out of love. But, no worries because I’m also falling in…with this music artist I’ve found, Hjaltalin. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6g2tG6ctBg They’re fantastic &I suggest anyone bothering to read this stop &listen to that song. Now, this falling out that I’ve mentioned, I’m not really. But I am tired. I love my boyfriend, I want to share the rest of my life with him but its getting harder. I feel like hes just walking all over me sometimes &that hes not taking my concerns seriously. He has a hard time knowing what to say &I can’t keep feeding him lines. Hes wonderful, really. I’d like to think that he is trying, I know our lives have been stressful. But something has got to give soon &it may be me. Anyways, its 11:04 am here in Ohio. I’ve only just waken up half an hour ago. I feel today will be lazy &I won’t accomplish much. But at least I’ve written this. I really need to get back into writing regularly. I have a journal that I neglect. Its easier to post online somehow. &I can’t link songs in a journal, so theres that. I haven’t anything else to say. Bye.
Diamond Ideozu
I don’t blog
I don’t do blogs.
I’ve never been one to blog but I think this shall be good for me. A lot of new beginnings to come here soon. New job, new start with my love, new travels, new perspective on life…perchance. I’m stressed a lot. I don’t always like starting new things. I like to think that I do but it scares me. Not sure why. I don’t like to mess with how things are just in case there is some sort of conflict. So, even if I don’t like how things, I try to leave it that way. Whatever keeps everyone happy, right? Sure. Currently I am listening to Young boys by Sin Fang. Not new. I should get back into new music. I used to love discovering new music constantly. But I’ve lost my touch with that part of happiness. I’ve been such a bore. No running, yoga, constant hang outs, drawing. I love to draw. Just for myself. I don’t want to disappoint others with expectations of how my art used to look &I don’t want to try to reach their expectations. I’ve just gotten lazy &somewhat listless, I suppose. Not just with my art but with most everything. I’m an INFP. Introverted, intuitive, feeling &perceiving. I’m a dreamer. You may say I’ve started to loose myself in others. Feeling kind of pressured when I shouldn’t. I want to make everyone happy, I always have. But I’ve got to go back into myself to be sure that I am still happy. You see? I don’t expect anyone to read this but me. But if you do read this, if you are reading this, know that I just want to be understood. Like everyone does. I want the best for everyone. I don’t mean to be selfish or mean or cruel. I don’t think I am, I try my best not to be. But sometimes I think I could be. Anyways, I’m going to go watch Being Human (Uk version) &eat some pizza. Good bye. Have the best day of your life. Or atleast try.
-Diamond Ideozu
